gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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