i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
bring money and cleavage
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
