do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
