dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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