Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
