I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
