you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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