I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
