maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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