i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
