Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
