Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
