Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
