jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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