I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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