I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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