Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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