I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
