I showed him my bush... on skype.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
