Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I fill condoms, not promises.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
