my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
