dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
