strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
