i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
why is half of my head shaved?
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