Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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