About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
