I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize