I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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