I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
