I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
