I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
