i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
