I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
