don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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