I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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