I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
