That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
