My room smells like vodka and shame
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
