Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
