nut hugger
So drunk its hurt
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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