i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
