she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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