I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
