Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
