How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
