you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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