i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
