Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
