I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
