so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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