he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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