i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
