I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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