when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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