Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
