I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
