saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
