Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
