Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
