I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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