I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
