Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
