That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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