Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize