if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my sisters under your porch take her home
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
