i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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