apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
