The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
