worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
