a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
two words...techno handjob
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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