New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
me + whiskey = a bad person
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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