Have you finally orgasmed yet?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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