Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
