I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
