i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
