I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
