burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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