when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
