You're my little dorito
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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