It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
