I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We just shotgunned beers for America
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize