i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
