I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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