Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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