i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
