He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
