just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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