My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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