Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
