I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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