toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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