I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
