I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
