my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
