Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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